I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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