I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
