lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
