yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
