dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
