I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
