kristin has been a bad kristin
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
