Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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