STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
