i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
