I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
