be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
