I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
