I've blown a few things in my day
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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