If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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