Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
