he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize