shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
