I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize