I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
