we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
