i barfeds in our rink
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
