Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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