I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize