Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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