No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Boobs speak an international language.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
