why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
barbara walters just said penis...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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