dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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