You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
