You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
