seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
