I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
