Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
