nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize