he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
