I'm really into asian looking animals
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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