would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
