i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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