dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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