So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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