I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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