I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
