Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
