Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he puts the penis in happiness.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
