Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
