$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
