I heard we made out
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize