Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
