forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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