do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Randomize
