Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
