If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
