i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
