they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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