yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
bring money and cleavage
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
