You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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