Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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