I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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