Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
