who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
