so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
