After last night, I could never be a politician.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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