The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
