Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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