Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
