yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
