I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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