Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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