I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
